


Aftermath

by CatsoftheApocalypse



Series: The One with the Supernatural Boys [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: No Smut, just fluff, self-loathing ahoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 04:13:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5077378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatsoftheApocalypse/pseuds/CatsoftheApocalypse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean, as so very often, sees fit to hate himself, and you see fit to remind him of something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little short I came up with the other day, and I thought it fit in well after "The Bad Seed".

The shuffling of large, tired feet echoed through the late hour and we both flinched, just a little, when a bedroom door fell shut in relative distance, the sound unexpectedly loud in the otherwise silent bunker. Cas, although free from Rowena’s spell and all healed, physically, at least, had retired to one of the spare bedrooms a while ago, long before Sam. To rest, as he said, but I had seen in his eyes that he still felt guilty, although Dean had made it clear that he didn’t begrudge him the beating he’d received. That he thought he’d had it coming, deserved it, even, not once taking into consideration that he was just as much – or little, as the case may be – in control of himself when he’d beaten the living daylights out of the angel.  
But that was always the way with the three of them. So eager to take the blame for anything they could, whether it actually was their fault or not.  
After taking a long, deep swig to empty the rest of my beer I lowered the bottle from my lips, my eyes glued to Dean as he sat on the other side of the library table. We’d spent the last few hours this evening cleaning up the rest of the mess the Stynes had left behind when they attempted to raid the bunker, before we decided it was getting late. Now that Sam and Cas had left, I was alone with Dean and his ever-growing self-loathing. For a few moments, I just watched as he slowly picked the label off his own bottle.  
“Dean?” I addressed him carefully.  
“Hm?” he grunted in response, not interrupting his pointless occupation.  
“Crowley was right about one thing. Something he said quite a while ago.”  
Dean still kept his eyes trained on the bottle in front of him.  
“And what would that be?”  
“Nobody hates you more than you do.”  
“What’s your point?”  
“I’ll be happy to tell you, if you’ll look at me.”  
Slowly, Dean lifted his gaze to meet mine. His eyes – once so full of light and mischief – were tired, lifeless, weary. It was painful to see him like this, and it got worse every day.  
“I know this probably won’t change anything, but in case you haven’t noticed, we all stood with you through this whole mess with the Mark. There were bad decisions, yes. And we lost Charlie-“ I swallowed, as did he. “-but she was in on this with Cas and Sam for one very simple reason. We love you. All of us.  
You’re not mad at Cas for beating you up because he was under a spell. You shouldn’t be mad at yourself for beating him up either. You were cursed, too.”  
“It was my own fault I had the Mark.”  
“Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, you’re rid of it now, and that’s a reason to be glad.”  
“Glad? That the Darkness is free?” he countered.  
I sighed deeply.  
“No. Not that the Darkness is free. Of course not. Look at it this way, though… The last year could have been worse.”  
“How could it possibly have been worse? Everything’s gone to shit.”  
“You know how. You saw it. Zachariah showed you.” I urged, and his eyes widened when he realized what I was referring to. “Believe me, I know what’s been happening, and what’s going on now, is anything but blue skies and sunshine, but it’s also the aftermath of the decisions you did not make. You did not say yes to Michael. You did not give up on finding a way to beat Lucifer. You did not sacrifice everybody who stood by your side. You did not sacrifice Cas’ life. And this – the Darkness… There’s a way. To fix this, I mean. There always is. And we’re going to find it.”  
“How do you do that?” he asked.  
“What?”  
“Keep hoping like that.”  
“I have faith.” I said and got up to go to my room for the night.  
“In God?”  
“No.” I smiled, kissing his cheek good night. “In you.”  
I was almost out of the room when Dean spoke again, making me turn on my heels.  
“F/N?” he whispered.  
“Yes?”  
“I don’t want to be…”  
He didn’t have to finish the sentence, I knew what he meant to say.  
“Me neither. Yours or mine?”  
“Mine?”  
“Okay. Give me ten minutes.”  
  
Dean did not say anything when I entered his room, and neither did I. I just crawled under the covers with him and we curled into each other, letting the silence speak for itself.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd be happy if you left a comment with some feedback.


End file.
